Benched/Early “Welcome” to Cycle 21

When you’re trying to get pregnant a few situations arise when you are “benched”, in that you were actively trying to get pregnant but you have stopped trying, with the intention of trying again. These are medical or life events that require you to avoid getting pregnant at a specific time. It can be waiting for tests results, recovery from surgery, healing after miscarriage, recent or planned travel to a virus with active Zika transmission, or just life in general.

In 20(1) cycles we’ve missed one cycle because I was out of town for a conference and ovulated later than normal so it ended up that it was my 7^th day away before ovulation occurred instead of my 4^th, which meant the sperm were long gone (they can live up to 5 days) by the time my egg showed up. Cycle 20 was the first cycle I’ve ever been benched. Not for any medical reason, just because I needed to move August 1 for my new job but my husband (who got an in-company transfer, YAY!) is working at his old job until August 28 and then starts his new job 1 week later. This put us apart for the fertile window, but we will be reunited in time for the next fertile window. Even though I knew cycle 20 was a waste, and that my period would arrive right on time, I was still, somewhat irrationally, devastated when my pre-menstrual symptoms began. It’s the fact that we’re even on to cycle 21. It’s the fact that in 2 days the months TTC will roll-over and it will be month 18. It’s the fact that it’s been 3 weeks and we still can’t get confirmation that our new fertility clinic has even received our referral and paperwork. It’s the fact that the wait is 7-12 months for IVF. It’s the fact that we even have to do IVF – that I have to have 100’s of needles, including a giant one put up my vagina. It’s the fact that we will have to pay $15,000+ for just the chance to have a baby. It’s the fact that even after all those needles and all that money there is no guarantee we will get a baby.

Seven months . . .

I’m all settled in (or as settled in as you can be with almost no furniture) in my new city. I’ve been at my new job for just over a week and I like it so far. I am excited about the science in a way I haven’t been for awhile during my PhD. Everything was getting repetitive and I was tired of doing the same things over and over and over again, and going through the same “I have experience with this model and this (insert not a big deal) problem is fine” with the technicians. I am excited to be doing something new, and the new lab has so many exciting, interesting projects that are ongoing/getting started that I’m almost overwhelmed trying to figure out what exactly my research will be on.

I was referred to the fertility clinic in my new province and hadn’t heard from them after 2 weeks so I called to make sure they got all my paperwork. I was told that they hadn’t received everything yet, and that it was way too early for them to be contacting me for an appointment because they are currently booking SEVEN MONTHS out and that it could take another FIVE MONTHS after that to start IVF. I was (am) devastated. I curled up next to my husband crying so hard that he thought someone had died. I can’t believe that the wait is so long. We’ve already been at this for 17 months/20 cycles with no success. We’ve done 5 cycles of fertility treatments with no success. I can’t believe it will be another YEAR before we can try IVF. 12 more months of heartbreak, of fruitlessly trying. I’ve given up hope that I will ever have a child.