It's finally here!

After months and months and months of waiting the week of our appointment with the new RE is finally here. Almost exactly 1 year ago we went to the first RE. I was so hopeful that I’d get a baby from those treatments, but things didn’t work that way. This time around I’m a tiny bit hopeful, but mostly apprehensive and nervous. I’m worried that this clinic is not as good as the one in Vancouver. I’m scared for all the injections and side effects and especially the egg retrieval. I’m worried about spending so much money and having a 40% chance of success. I’m worried that we won’t get any embryos or that I’ll have the rare complications like bowel or bladder damage. I’m worried the clinic will decide to pass on my case and then I’ll have to spend more money (and miss out on the tax rebates here) to travel back to my old clinic. I’m worried about having to repeat tests and go through more waiting and putting our lives on hold for even longer while we try to have a baby. I’m worried about the judgements that we’re “too young” to need IVF, or that we should have tried longer naturally, or that we were stupid to spend so much money on IVF, or that we should “just adopt”, or that if we couldn’t conceive naturally it means we shouldn’t have kids, or that if we have kids and then want to go away for a week without them that we’ll be judged for spending all this money to have kids that we don’t want to be around 24/7/365, or that if I hate being pregnant, or birth sucks, or the kid is being challenging that I’ll resent it for costing so much money and not being perfect.

Despite all these worries, I’m ready. This is cycle 27. We are about to hit the 2-year mark. I am ready to stop trying to conceive and move on with my life. I am more than ready to have a baby, and I am ready to work on what life looks like if we end up being child-free not by choice. I am ready to stop waiting and to do something.