As much as I want a baby, I’m glad I’m currently not
pregnant.
I’m starting a new job soon and I’m sure I wouldn’t have
been able to take the job if I was pregnant and due between now and the end of
the year. It is a really weird place to be emotionally because I am really
excited for my new job, and I really do wish I had a baby. I am incredibly sad
that I’m dealing with infertility and have had failed infertility treatments.
Each failed cycle since I was offered the job still makes me sad, but I also
breathe a sigh of relief that I’ll be able to start this job that puts me well
on my way to getting my dream job.
It is incredibly hard to be a woman in science and trying
to build a career when you want a family. Timing pregnancies so that they have
the smallest impact on your career progression is difficult, but possible.
Having a baby at the end of grad school, while writing or taking a few months
between finishing a PhD and starting a post-doc seems like an ideal time.
Adding infertility on top of building a career and growing your family makes
everything feel impossible. I worry that my post-doc is not going to be as
successful if I’m undergoing IVF and have a baby, and I worry that I won’t get
those months at home with baby that I would have gotten if I got pregnant cycle
1. A cycle 1 pregnancy would have given me 4 months at home with pay while I
finished writing my PhD thesis, plus 2 months at home before starting my
post-doc. Now I’m considering only taking those first 6-8 weeks to heal from
giving birth and letting my husband take the rest of the parental leave so that
I don’t stall my career. It does give my husband the opportunity to stay home
with baby that he may not have gotten otherwise, but it’s just another thing
that we have to deal with in addition to the infertility.
One of the good things, I guess, is that if we do do IVF
and have frozen embryos, we can do a frozen transfer whenever we are ready for
another baby, which means we hopefully don’t need to go through the months and
months of trying and planning again.
Current Cycle - 19
13 failed cycles
a male and female infertility diagnosis
2 failed medicated cycles
3 failed medicated IUIs
an IVF consult
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