Our infertility diagnosis

Infertility affects one in eight couples. Although many people believe that most cases of infertility are due to problems with the woman, the rates of infertility are equal among men and women, with 35%-40% of all infertility diagnoses being male factor only and 35%-40% of all diagnoses being female factor only. The remaining 20-30% are split fairly evenly between couples with problems in both partners, and unexplained infertility, where there are no problems with either partner but they aren’t getting pregnant.

I was diagnosed with infertility in October 2015 and received the specific diagnosis of ovulatory dysfunctional uterine bleeding in November 2015. The ovulatory part of my diagnosis means that I am ovulating every cycle and the dysfunctional uterine bleeding means that I have abnormal bleeding and that all causes of abnormal bleeding (hormone imbalances, cysts, STIs, polyps, cancer, friable cervix, etc.) have been ruled out. Not only was I devastated when I was diagnosed, but I also felt so guilty – kids have always been something my husband wanted and I may not be able to give him any. Was I less of a woman because I might not be able to have kids? My husband is a fantastic man and he has reassured me several times that he loves me, and that his love for me is not impacted by my broken uterus. He would tell me that he has me, and if we can’t have kids together, we’ll adopt or get a lot of cats.

In January 2016 my husband had a semen analysis as part of the infertility work-up for our reproductive endocrinologist. The results came back that he had male factor infertility – low morphology. He felt the same guilt that I had been feeling – that his wife wanted a baby so bad and he might not be able to give her one. It was my turn to reassure him that I loved him no matter what, and that if we couldn’t have kids together we’d adopt or have a lot of cats.

When my husband received the diagnosis that confirmed we were one of the infertile couples with problems with both partners, a large part of me felt hopeless and lost. The plan of having a family seemed to be slipping farther and farther away from us, and there were dollar signs (lots of them) and months to years of heartache between us and a baby. It shouldn’t be that hard to grow our family. However, a small part of me felt a sense of relief . . . relief that it wasn’t just my fault that we are struggling to have a baby.